"the past can hurt,but the way i see it,you either run from it or learn from it."

Monday, August 29, 2011

Of Ramadhan and Changes.

There's something about this year's Ramadhan that has somehow calls me to change myself for the better. I think it is the simple calling of this holy month or my own resolution of turning into a better person. But through all of that, I'd have to thank all the mishaps that has happened to me before the month of Ramadhan. This with no doubt had been the reason I wanted to change so much.

The first factor of me changing would be the never ending supports from my family and my comrades. Well you know what they say, when you have the nawaitu to do something good, Allah will help by surrounding you with good people. Ones who could guide you towards the right path. Alhamdulillah, I believe throughout this Ramadhan, I was surrounded by these people. People who would remind me to not wait for the very last minute to perform my solat, people who would constantly remind me to recite the zikr in case I lost my spirit, and people who would pull me up with verses off the Quran to keep me going at times when I get downhearted.

Don't get me wrong, these kind of people had entered my life before, only before I wasn't ready for any changes. And for that matter, I only have me and myself to blame - the goods come from Allah and the flaws come from human themselves.

Another thing is that I found a few good videos on youtube that somehow attracts me to hear their thoughts and speeches. Mainly of self-changing or their transition during the Ramadhan. A talk by Aiman Azlan is a good example of a good yet very relaxed speech. Something a 19 years old lad would want to spend time listening to. Another thing if you're looking for some inspiration, it would be a great idea to watch Wardina Safiyyah's episode of Ini Kisahku. Trust me, that has somehow changed my perception on living and a little on how I look into hijrah.

But I would have to say that the biggest factor that has affected me to change was my realization that Allah is always there for us. You know when you have those down moments that you feel that everyone is deserting you, that every single soul is abandoning you, maybe you should look back and think of Allah. He created us, why is it so hard for us to be reminded of him? Keep this in mind, Allah is always near, it is us, human who created the distance.

(Don't be sad, Allah is with us.)

It is funny how the Muslims would be anxiously waiting for this month of the year to come when it is apparent that it is the month where we aren't allowed to eat or drink from sunrise to sunset. But this is the mindset of people who walk but don't stop. They look upon Ramadhan only as another month to pass, not a month for self realization and soul finding.

I have a long way to go into becoming a perfect human, let alone be an ideal Muslim, but I believe in one thing, when you have the will to change and to start the journey towards finding Allah, He will provide nothing but the best to ensure you'll succeed in your endeavor. If you are willing to walk to Allah, Allah is more than happy to run towards you, InsyaAllah.

Well, even Umar al Khattab has shown us that the worst of the worst could change into the best of the best, so there's no saying that our sin is too big that Allah wouldn't accept our repentance. Those kind of thoughts are nothing but syirk. After all, Allah is Al-Ghafur (the forgiver and hider of faults) now isn't He?

It is now the first day of Syawal, I never thought Ramadhan would go this fast this year, it is as if I haven't had enough of it. As we bid farewell to our beloved month of Ramadhan, my only wish is that we are given the chance to meet again next year, InsyaAllah. The tears that fall as Ramadhan leaves are caught by the smile that shines as Syawal enters. May Allah accept our Ramadhan and may He blesses our Syawal. Ameen. :')

(Ali-Imran : 8)

Wallahualam. :)

Friday, August 26, 2011

Ignorance and Uncertainties.

I always think that ignorance is a bliss. So I tend to ignore things rather than finding a solution. But at the end of the day, the accumulation of the burden I'm carrying right on my shoulder seems intolerable. Too heavy to hold, yet too heavy to let go. I don't know. I seriously don't know what lingers on my mind right now.

It's like too many things happen in just a split of time. And everything seems so wrong to me. I hope I can make it to the end. I really hope.

p/s:don't try to hurt someone on purpose just because they hurt you by accident.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

#2. Give Change A Chance.

Pernah tak encounter situations like when you start doing something new, for example, you start paying attention in class, then people would shoot things like "eh eh,rajinnya kau tiba-tiba, nak bodek lecturerlah tu.". Or when you do something a little more drastic like you start wearing a hijab, and people start bombarding you with questions like "kenapa pakai tudung? ada class agama ke?" or "buang tabiat ke tiba-tiba nak bertutup-tutup ni?".

I'm pretty sure a lot of you have encountered this. I, personally have been in these situations. Then we, being the person who's being attacked would usually answer stupidly simply because we're not ready for any questions. Yelah, why should we be ready for questions when niat kita untuk berubah in the first place is for the sake of Allah. So kita tak bersedia untuk disoal dengan soalan-soalan yang kita rasakan tidak relevan seperti yang dinyatakan di atas. I, personally would usually laugh it off. Malas nak layan orang-orang yang berfikiran cetek sampai terlintas to ask me those kind of questions.

But, yes, there is a but! Even when we just laugh it off, or we take it as a joke, dalam hati mesti terlintas rasa tak puas hati, kan? Kenapa orang tanya aku soalan macam tu? Ini human nature sebenarnya, walaupun zahirnya kita selalu cakap tak penting apa orang cakap, and we constantly remind ourselves that they know our names, not our story. Jadi mereka boleh judge kita, tapi hanya kita tahu mengapa kita bertindak begitu. But neither these wise saying nor thousands of beautiful quotes can really convince us to really accept what people has to say about us and just let it pass.

Lepas tu bila rasa tak puas hati orang dah cakap macam tu, kita pun try to fit in semula. And what do we do to fit in? Tukar balik kepada diri kita yang sebelumnya. Yang dah elok berhijab tiba-tiba free-hair semula, yang dah elok markah meningkat sebab pay attention in class, terus markah drop semula because dah tak nak concentrate in class. See how people's judgment somehow affects us tremendously?

My point is, kalau kita nak berubah, set minda dan hati awal-awal untuk menangkis semua tohmahan and stupid questions from these people. They don't know what they're doing or they're probably just jealous that you're changing into a better person sedangkan mereka masih hanyut di takuk lama. Seringkali orang set mind "lepas graduate nak start pakai tudung" or "lepas kahwin dah tak nak pergi night club". Okay, memanglah dah bagus dah ada niat dekat situ, tapi pernah tanya tak, how sure are we that we are going to live that long? Seberapa yakin kita yang kita akan bangun semula pada hari esok? Ajal mautkan di tangan Allah s.w.t.

Why put till tomorrow what you can do today? Kalau rasa nak bertudung, silakan. Kalau rasa nak kembali bersolat, silakan. Kalau rasa nak bertadarus, silakan. Kadang-kadang perkara begini tidak perlu tunggu sehingga diri benar-benar bersedia, sometimes we'll have to force ourselves to do something and eventually it will become a habit. Been there, done that. Kalau rasa diri belum bersedia untuk berhijab, mungkin perlu question balik pada diri sendiri, bersediakah kita untuk menghadapi neraka? Sama juga implikasinya terhadap perkara-perkara lain. Kalau rasa belum bersedia untuk seksaan neraka, maka sediakanlah diri untuk kematian.

And then we move on kepada orang-orang yang melantik diri menjadi juri tidak bertauliah dalam kehidupan kita. To these people who likes to give judgments, why don't you take a mirror and reflect yourself first. Kalau pun anda lebih baik daripada orang tersebut, does looking down on people and making fun of people's effort makes you any better? After all, like what Nouman Ali Khan said, "Islam is not about "we're better than you." Islam is "about let me show you something that is better for you." Judgment yang anda lontarkan hari ini mungkin menjadi penyebab mereka tidak mahu berubah kepada yang lebih baik untuk diri mereka.

Basically, these "transforming" people are trying to blend in. Just because they're doing something new, doesn't mean they're already comfortable doing it. Maybe they fake a smile and just laugh everything off, but deep inside who knows. God knows how much they want to break off and get back to being in their old skin, tetapi atas dasar memperbaiki diri, they look over those restlessness. The least we could do is support them.

Last but not least, to all those people who has been given the opportunity by Allah s.w.t. to change, be thankful for it. Out of millions of people in this world, you have been chosen. While others are lingering in the dark, you've found the light at the end of the tunnel. Ramai lagi yang masih sesat, tetapi anda telah menemui jalan, wallahualam. :)


Saturday, August 20, 2011

Pizza+Skittles=Awesome People.

This is a very backdated post, this happened exactly a month ago, on the 21st of July. Yes, it's my birthday. Thank you very much for remembering. Wee! Things got a little out of hand thus the procrastination of this post. Please do accept my sincere apology.

Moving on, I finished class at 2pm, but a certain someone told me to stay. But you know these people, nak prank tapi tak expert, so they had contradicting answers. One said that Puan Nik needs help with some of the stuffs. Another one then called and said she needs to see me. Okay, agak terkantoi di situ. Ehehe.

Fast forward, I slept from 2 pm right up to 5 pm, that's when Kak Shaq called and said she has got some work to do in which I'll have to go to one of the class where she is there waiting. Okay then. When I went there, the lights were closed, the best part was I saw some of my friends behind the door. Terkantoi lagi di situ ye. Ohoho.

But anyways, they came up with these very adorable but very weird tasting pizza topped with skittles. This is basically due to the fact that I don't eat cake, so this was the only option they had. Thank you for remembering that I don't particularly adore cakes.

(Pizza topped with skittles to spell "Happy B'day" and the four pizzas.)

(Cubaan Kak Shaq untuk menyumbat pizza bertoppingkan skittles. Attempt of running away was present but she managed to do it anyway.=.=)

(Dan selepas seorang berjaya, yang lain turut serta berkongsi kegembiraan menyumbat pizza kepada saya. *perasaan diri sedang diperdajjal sangat nyata di sini. T.T*)

The thing that I still wonder of is the fact that during their birthdays, they fed me with the cake, and during my birthday, they took turn to feed me the pizza. So tell me when will I get to feed people? It's an unfair world we're living in! T.T

Nonetheless, thank you sayang-sayang sekalian for taking the time to celebrate my birthday. Thank you juga for the effort yang sangat obvious to keep me from going back. (I actually planned to go for a movie on that day. Haha!) You people mean the world to me. Words can't describe how thankful I am to have known all of you. :)

"Macam mana kau nak kencing kaki kencing?"
This question boggles me right up to this second. XD