"the past can hurt,but the way i see it,you either run from it or learn from it."

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Even Heroes Have The Right To Bleed.

I used to think I had it all figured out...

...turns out I was wrong all along.

You had it so easy. When one person walks out, you had others who came in. I did not have that privilege. I built a wall too high for a person to climb over. Let alone a troop that would stand by me. And the fact that you were that close to me, I felt that I needed no one else.

I didn't mean to stop, I had to. I had to do everything I did. Because I don't want to be who I was before. I don't want to be the person who shed tears because the one she held on got comfortable with someone else. That's because I only had you, after all, that was all I needed.

Truth is I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending to be strong when all I want to do is fall to my knees. I don't know how I've come to fall this hard. All I know is I don't feel like getting up anymore. I don't want to think of all that we could be, because we've been there.

You may think that I have it all. A lot others feel the same of me. But no, I only had you. And that was more than enough until you walk away and left me with nothing. I'm sorry I left. It's just that, well, I just wanted to be more of you.

I just want to be with you. For a lifetime. I hope that's not too much to ask for.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

That Impenetrable Fortress.

"What type of building is this? Why would you hide all the beautiful things inside where no one can see them? From the outside, all I see is pipes and bricks, broken and rusted scaffolding, dirt and grime. No one would want to enter this place."

"Because I live inside. And other people, live outside."

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Those Wasted Words.

This is the song I only sing when you're sleeping. These are the words I say when you can't hear me. This is the way I look when you can't see me. This is what I ponder on when you least expect me to. And you will never know.

I won't go back to when you and me shared laughters. I won't go back to when I saw you and it made my day. I won't go back to when being with me would complete your day. I do not know how it ends. Just that I miss you, right before it does.

I made myself from all the love you no longer wanted. I am not afraid of you. There's nothing you can do to me that hasn't already been done before. I'm not scared of never meeting you. I'm terrified of having met you, and let you go.

I know you don't want it to matter right now. That's why it matters the most.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Where There is Love, There is Life.

I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am flying.

Friday, October 7, 2011

There is No Pain.

Just atoms becoming humans and panics, lovers and stars. And then something else. And sometimes when the storm hits us, it feels like the roofs are tearing apart. You don't have to close your eyes. There is no pain. Just atoms becoming the blood that pumps through your heart and the knot in your throat.

Other times it feels so hard to feel the strong waves on your feet. We scare it'll take us all. You don't have to cringe. There is no pain. Just atoms becoming the clouds above us and the air inside your lungs.

There's nothing to cry about. There is no pain. Just the light from distant suns and flocks of birds. The sensation of time passing. Waves against the sky. Those shudders than run through your body, aren't there. There is no pain.

You die when you stop feeling. I will live forever.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Lines on a Page.

When I was a kid, I used to be able to finish a 300 pages book in two days. One if the font is large. Not saying it's a world record, but that's definitely way better than my own record now. I can hardly finish a book with mutual thickness even if I was given a week. Talk about laziness.

But no, I wouldn't blame it all on laziness (despite the fact that it is one of the major factor). I would blame a large portion of it to distractions. Yes, those tiny bit of disturbance you usually get when you're doing something. That's distraction.

I never really get why people make such a big fuss about being all quiet in a library. It's a library, not a morgue, for heaven's sake! But then I realized that maybe, just maybe, the library is a place designated for people like me.

Only now do I realize why throughout my life, I only read before going to bed. And when I do read in a noisy place, I'll be reading the same book over and over again. It's because I can't seem to understand anything I'm reading unless I'm in a very quiet place.

Thus, when I read, I would ignore everything. Of course that includes any voices around me. Don't bother asking me what book is it or what is it all about, it will only end in disappointment. If you're really that curious, then maybe I could let you tip the book a tiny bit just so you could peek at the cover and read the title. But asking me for the title or what the story is about will be a huge NO.

I'm not one who reads just to pass time, I could just play with my phone for that purpose, or I could just crank up my earphones and that would have made time pass much faster. And I definitely do not read just so that it could be a conversational topic. You see those in movies where they pretend to read and someone else comes around and just talks of the book and they end up having a long conversation. Not me.

I read because that's when I let my head sink into my own imagination. I don't necessarily want to drown into my own world, I know for a fact that they're not real, I prefer calling it as maintaining my sanity. It's more than just some neatly arranged sentences on a line, it's floating away. When I'm alone and reading, that shall warn you that I need my own time.

At times that I'm only with my book, that doesn't indicate I'm lonely, that displays I just want to be alone. Let me have my time with the book I'm with, that would be doing me a huge favor. Thank you. :)