Through Thick and Thin.

We've been through a rough patch this year, that I can't deny. But we had years of good times, please don't let a skid in our journey get in the way of mending things up. We're successful together, at least that's how I got through the first 2 very successful semesters in college, I had you. I promise next year will be a successful one, I just need you to give me the chance to prove my words.

I have loved you for the longest time, and though it might not seem that I'm giving everything for it, doesn't mean I'm not giving all I have. And if that's not enough, I don't know what is. I love you, best friend. :)

Your Ceiling Is Talking To Me.

I've got no words to describe what's going on right now. Which is probably why I've been neglecting this blog of mine for a while now. I'm going on a hell of a ride doing sort of nothing to my life right now. I'm proud to say my life has definitely improved from where I was standing before. *now I sound like a nut-case who's in some kind of recovering phase*

No, that ain't the case. The case is I know where I stand now, the fact that it somehow disappoints me to finally realize how low I am in your thoughts, but at least now I know. And that somehow hurts less than keeping me wondering for the eternity of life.

Point being said, I shall now set to another endeavor of getting myself to who I was before. I at least want to be that laughing machine I was before I get back into the real world. Right now I'm living with the unicorns walking alongside the rainbows. Yes, this is the life. *winks*

Even Heroes Have The Right To Bleed.

I used to think I had it all figured out...

...turns out I was wrong all along.

You had it so easy. When one person walks out, you had others who came in. I did not have that privilege. I built a wall too high for a person to climb over. Let alone a troop that would stand by me. And the fact that you were that close to me, I felt that I needed no one else.

I didn't mean to stop, I had to. I had to do everything I did. Because I don't want to be who I was before. I don't want to be the person who shed tears because the one she held on got comfortable with someone else. That's because I only had you, after all, that was all I needed.

Truth is I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending to be strong when all I want to do is fall to my knees. I don't know how I've come to fall this hard. All I know is I don't feel like getting up anymore. I don't want to think of all that we could be, because we've been there.

You may think that I have it all. A lot others feel the same of me. But no, I only had you. And that was more than enough until you walk away and left me with nothing. I'm sorry I left. It's just that, well, I just wanted to be more of you.

I just want to be with you. For a lifetime. I hope that's not too much to ask for.

That Impenetrable Fortress.

"What type of building is this? Why would you hide all the beautiful things inside where no one can see them? From the outside, all I see is pipes and bricks, broken and rusted scaffolding, dirt and grime. No one would want to enter this place."

"Because I live inside. And other people, live outside."

Those Wasted Words.

This is the song I only sing when you're sleeping. These are the words I say when you can't hear me. This is the way I look when you can't see me. This is what I ponder on when you least expect me to. And you will never know.

I won't go back to when you and me shared laughters. I won't go back to when I saw you and it made my day. I won't go back to when being with me would complete your day. I do not know how it ends. Just that I miss you, right before it does.

I made myself from all the love you no longer wanted. I am not afraid of you. There's nothing you can do to me that hasn't already been done before. I'm not scared of never meeting you. I'm terrified of having met you, and let you go.

I know you don't want it to matter right now. That's why it matters the most.

Where There is Love, There is Life.

I am not falling.

I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am not falling.
I am flying.

There is No Pain.

Just atoms becoming humans and panics, lovers and stars. And then something else. And sometimes when the storm hits us, it feels like the roofs are tearing apart. You don't have to close your eyes. There is no pain. Just atoms becoming the blood that pumps through your heart and the knot in your throat.

Other times it feels so hard to feel the strong waves on your feet. We scare it'll take us all. You don't have to cringe. There is no pain. Just atoms becoming the clouds above us and the air inside your lungs.

There's nothing to cry about. There is no pain. Just the light from distant suns and flocks of birds. The sensation of time passing. Waves against the sky. Those shudders than run through your body, aren't there. There is no pain.

You die when you stop feeling. I will live forever.

Lines on a Page.

When I was a kid, I used to be able to finish a 300 pages book in two days. One if the font is large. Not saying it's a world record, but that's definitely way better than my own record now. I can hardly finish a book with mutual thickness even if I was given a week. Talk about laziness.

But no, I wouldn't blame it all on laziness (despite the fact that it is one of the major factor). I would blame a large portion of it to distractions. Yes, those tiny bit of disturbance you usually get when you're doing something. That's distraction.

I never really get why people make such a big fuss about being all quiet in a library. It's a library, not a morgue, for heaven's sake! But then I realized that maybe, just maybe, the library is a place designated for people like me.

Only now do I realize why throughout my life, I only read before going to bed. And when I do read in a noisy place, I'll be reading the same book over and over again. It's because I can't seem to understand anything I'm reading unless I'm in a very quiet place.

Thus, when I read, I would ignore everything. Of course that includes any voices around me. Don't bother asking me what book is it or what is it all about, it will only end in disappointment. If you're really that curious, then maybe I could let you tip the book a tiny bit just so you could peek at the cover and read the title. But asking me for the title or what the story is about will be a huge NO.

I'm not one who reads just to pass time, I could just play with my phone for that purpose, or I could just crank up my earphones and that would have made time pass much faster. And I definitely do not read just so that it could be a conversational topic. You see those in movies where they pretend to read and someone else comes around and just talks of the book and they end up having a long conversation. Not me.

I read because that's when I let my head sink into my own imagination. I don't necessarily want to drown into my own world, I know for a fact that they're not real, I prefer calling it as maintaining my sanity. It's more than just some neatly arranged sentences on a line, it's floating away. When I'm alone and reading, that shall warn you that I need my own time.

At times that I'm only with my book, that doesn't indicate I'm lonely, that displays I just want to be alone. Let me have my time with the book I'm with, that would be doing me a huge favor. Thank you. :)

Almost An Angel.

If you're tired of trying to fall asleep, sleep on it and try again tomorrow. If you're all out of promises, I have one left for you: The Earth is still here as long as you're alive.

If you want to yell out your frustrations, I'll understand, just understand that the whole world is screaming, mostly complaining about the noise. If you're worried about having the logic knocked out of you of you when you're older, don't. Old blood bleeds as good as new.

If you've got nothing left to feel, just open your arms for the winds to hug and say hello to the stranger's smile. If tomorrow isn't a day you look forward to, I'll make you see that if today things doesn't work out for you, tomorrow it will.

Because at the end of the day, I can sacrifice my health, and I can sacrifice my money. I can sacrifice my nights, and I can sacrifice my sanity. I can sacrifice my words, and I can sacrifice a song. I can sacrifice the world, and I can sacrifice nearly everyone in it.

The only thing I won't let them take, is you. And if there's anything else, let me know.

There's Nothing Like Me and You.

SHE'S
BROKEN.

The Wind Almost Took You.

This time, the time machine took me back to the right place. This time, I ran outside and nearly grabbed myself before I walked out that door to kiss you for the first time. I almost tripped at the same garden gnome that bruised me before.

But this time, another me stopped me, before I could stop me, and said, "the only thing worse than missing someone, is wondering what there was to miss." This time, I sat down with me, and we drank and we spoke about how different things could have been. For me. And for me.

Later, I still kissed you for the first time. This time. You are more than a series of experiences. You are the light that surrounds them.

That's what it feels like when you fall from great heights. That's what it feels like when your heart grows back. That's what it feels like when you don't want to feel.

And if you're too busy to stop and actually look at what it's all adding up to, then that's what you should be busy with.

But this, this is just me.

Lullaby for the Heart.

May I look upon things as they are, not as what I want them to be.

May I walk upon these pavements as a journey, not a road needing a map.

May I see tomorrow as how I shape my future, not a past relived times and times again.

May I do what I do, not be distracted by what I can't.

May I climb these steps one at a time, not trip while figuring what's on top.

May I dream of what I hope for, not what I fear.

May I speak the truth, not say what's right.

May I fix the things that needs fixing, not crumble what's perfectly in shape.

May I love you as I love you, not as any other.

Wish Upon a Shooting Cloud.

I used to believe in the saying that it's easy to forgive, but it's hard to forget. Honest, I used to believe that forgiving is easier done. But when you come to think of it, can you really forgive if you can't forget the damage that's been done? It's not that simple. At least not for me.

You know, I think it is rightfully human that we refuse to forgive, simply because it hurts too much to just be torn apart and then for you to get up and just walk around as if nothing has ever happened. It's never that easy.

But then I saw this:
"Muslims all over the world will stand for hours and hours in prayer seeking God's forgiveness and asking of Him that which their hearts desire. But how can one expect forgiveness when we are ourselves are not forgiving? How can one seek forgiveness when we do not seek forgiveness from each other?"
-Imam Khalid Latif-

Upon reading that, I started to forgive. But being the human I am, when things get out of hand, I get out of forgiveness. I started to feel the wrong being repeatedly done. It's again, not easy to just let pass the damage that's been done.

But I have come to one conclusion, if I don't forgive, I'll never forget. If I don't forget, I'll never trust again. Why hurt yourself? I'd always say. Regardless of what you and others may say, I promise to make things right. I will do what it takes to connect what has been torn by you and the others who are not in the known.

So today, I resolve to forgive the person I have come to grow so much hatred inside of me.

The heart is either alive or it's dead. It's either healthy or it's sick.
-Ibn Qayyim-

p/s: Allah, please give me strength in doing this. :/

"Aku Terima Nikahnya..."

"Aku terima nikahnya si dia binti si ayah dia dengan mas kahwinnya RM......"

Now doesn't that sounds easy? But you do realize that a certain people can't even say it at one shot. Often when this happens, we take them as a nervous wreck who can't even utter such simple words. Ever thought that they probably know the true meaning to this simple sentence?

"Aku tanggung dosa-dosa si dia dari ibu bapanya, apa saja dosa yang dia buat, dari dedah aurat hingga ke tinggalnya solat, aku tanggung dan bukan lagi ibu bapanya tanggung, dan aku tanggung semua dosa bakal anak-anak aku. Kalau gagal, maka aku fasik, dayus & aku rela masuk neraka, aku rela malaikat Zabaniyah melibas aku hingga pecah badanku."

This just goes to show that humans are created with responsibilities attached to us. This differs though for male and female, but it doesn't mean that one is better than the other, it just goes to show that each and every single soul in this world were made for a reason, so never think of yourself as meaningless or useless.

p/s: Still think of it as an easy task? Probably not.

Stand Up and Walk.

A lot of times we feel that we've done our best in doing something but somehow the outcome shows the exact opposite. We feel that our efforts are worthless. Nothing we do seems to be enough.

But you know, I've come to realize that maybe our efforts are not rewarded by Allah s.w.t because He knows that's not the right thing for us. Don't ever forget that Allah showed us both the good and the bad so that we know how to evaluate. He has something better for us, but we keep on lingering in the past hoping what we liked would be what's best for us.

Once and for all, I want to trust Allah and His decisions, not because I have to, but because I want to. What's the point of me praying five times a day, restraining myself from eating for 14 hours for one whole month, if I don't trust the One I did that for? Simply worthless.

Not everything you have stays forever, but there are things you would be glad to fight for - just to have them longer. And I believe I have fought hard enough and I have had it long enough.

p/s: the moment we understand that Allah's decision is always in our best interest, everything will start to make sense. :)

Of Ramadhan and Changes.

There's something about this year's Ramadhan that has somehow calls me to change myself for the better. I think it is the simple calling of this holy month or my own resolution of turning into a better person. But through all of that, I'd have to thank all the mishaps that has happened to me before the month of Ramadhan. This with no doubt had been the reason I wanted to change so much.

The first factor of me changing would be the never ending supports from my family and my comrades. Well you know what they say, when you have the nawaitu to do something good, Allah will help by surrounding you with good people. Ones who could guide you towards the right path. Alhamdulillah, I believe throughout this Ramadhan, I was surrounded by these people. People who would remind me to not wait for the very last minute to perform my solat, people who would constantly remind me to recite the zikr in case I lost my spirit, and people who would pull me up with verses off the Quran to keep me going at times when I get downhearted.

Don't get me wrong, these kind of people had entered my life before, only before I wasn't ready for any changes. And for that matter, I only have me and myself to blame - the goods come from Allah and the flaws come from human themselves.

Another thing is that I found a few good videos on youtube that somehow attracts me to hear their thoughts and speeches. Mainly of self-changing or their transition during the Ramadhan. A talk by Aiman Azlan is a good example of a good yet very relaxed speech. Something a 19 years old lad would want to spend time listening to. Another thing if you're looking for some inspiration, it would be a great idea to watch Wardina Safiyyah's episode of Ini Kisahku. Trust me, that has somehow changed my perception on living and a little on how I look into hijrah.

But I would have to say that the biggest factor that has affected me to change was my realization that Allah is always there for us. You know when you have those down moments that you feel that everyone is deserting you, that every single soul is abandoning you, maybe you should look back and think of Allah. He created us, why is it so hard for us to be reminded of him? Keep this in mind, Allah is always near, it is us, human who created the distance.

(Don't be sad, Allah is with us.)

It is funny how the Muslims would be anxiously waiting for this month of the year to come when it is apparent that it is the month where we aren't allowed to eat or drink from sunrise to sunset. But this is the mindset of people who walk but don't stop. They look upon Ramadhan only as another month to pass, not a month for self realization and soul finding.

I have a long way to go into becoming a perfect human, let alone be an ideal Muslim, but I believe in one thing, when you have the will to change and to start the journey towards finding Allah, He will provide nothing but the best to ensure you'll succeed in your endeavor. If you are willing to walk to Allah, Allah is more than happy to run towards you, InsyaAllah.

Well, even Umar al Khattab has shown us that the worst of the worst could change into the best of the best, so there's no saying that our sin is too big that Allah wouldn't accept our repentance. Those kind of thoughts are nothing but syirk. After all, Allah is Al-Ghafur (the forgiver and hider of faults) now isn't He?

It is now the first day of Syawal, I never thought Ramadhan would go this fast this year, it is as if I haven't had enough of it. As we bid farewell to our beloved month of Ramadhan, my only wish is that we are given the chance to meet again next year, InsyaAllah. The tears that fall as Ramadhan leaves are caught by the smile that shines as Syawal enters. May Allah accept our Ramadhan and may He blesses our Syawal. Ameen. :')

(Ali-Imran : 8)

Wallahualam. :)

Ignorance and Uncertainties.

I always think that ignorance is a bliss. So I tend to ignore things rather than finding a solution. But at the end of the day, the accumulation of the burden I'm carrying right on my shoulder seems intolerable. Too heavy to hold, yet too heavy to let go. I don't know. I seriously don't know what lingers on my mind right now.

It's like too many things happen in just a split of time. And everything seems so wrong to me. I hope I can make it to the end. I really hope.

p/s:don't try to hurt someone on purpose just because they hurt you by accident.

#2. Give Change A Chance.

Pernah tak encounter situations like when you start doing something new, for example, you start paying attention in class, then people would shoot things like "eh eh,rajinnya kau tiba-tiba, nak bodek lecturerlah tu.". Or when you do something a little more drastic like you start wearing a hijab, and people start bombarding you with questions like "kenapa pakai tudung? ada class agama ke?" or "buang tabiat ke tiba-tiba nak bertutup-tutup ni?".

I'm pretty sure a lot of you have encountered this. I, personally have been in these situations. Then we, being the person who's being attacked would usually answer stupidly simply because we're not ready for any questions. Yelah, why should we be ready for questions when niat kita untuk berubah in the first place is for the sake of Allah. So kita tak bersedia untuk disoal dengan soalan-soalan yang kita rasakan tidak relevan seperti yang dinyatakan di atas. I, personally would usually laugh it off. Malas nak layan orang-orang yang berfikiran cetek sampai terlintas to ask me those kind of questions.

But, yes, there is a but! Even when we just laugh it off, or we take it as a joke, dalam hati mesti terlintas rasa tak puas hati, kan? Kenapa orang tanya aku soalan macam tu? Ini human nature sebenarnya, walaupun zahirnya kita selalu cakap tak penting apa orang cakap, and we constantly remind ourselves that they know our names, not our story. Jadi mereka boleh judge kita, tapi hanya kita tahu mengapa kita bertindak begitu. But neither these wise saying nor thousands of beautiful quotes can really convince us to really accept what people has to say about us and just let it pass.

Lepas tu bila rasa tak puas hati orang dah cakap macam tu, kita pun try to fit in semula. And what do we do to fit in? Tukar balik kepada diri kita yang sebelumnya. Yang dah elok berhijab tiba-tiba free-hair semula, yang dah elok markah meningkat sebab pay attention in class, terus markah drop semula because dah tak nak concentrate in class. See how people's judgment somehow affects us tremendously?

My point is, kalau kita nak berubah, set minda dan hati awal-awal untuk menangkis semua tohmahan and stupid questions from these people. They don't know what they're doing or they're probably just jealous that you're changing into a better person sedangkan mereka masih hanyut di takuk lama. Seringkali orang set mind "lepas graduate nak start pakai tudung" or "lepas kahwin dah tak nak pergi night club". Okay, memanglah dah bagus dah ada niat dekat situ, tapi pernah tanya tak, how sure are we that we are going to live that long? Seberapa yakin kita yang kita akan bangun semula pada hari esok? Ajal mautkan di tangan Allah s.w.t.

Why put till tomorrow what you can do today? Kalau rasa nak bertudung, silakan. Kalau rasa nak kembali bersolat, silakan. Kalau rasa nak bertadarus, silakan. Kadang-kadang perkara begini tidak perlu tunggu sehingga diri benar-benar bersedia, sometimes we'll have to force ourselves to do something and eventually it will become a habit. Been there, done that. Kalau rasa diri belum bersedia untuk berhijab, mungkin perlu question balik pada diri sendiri, bersediakah kita untuk menghadapi neraka? Sama juga implikasinya terhadap perkara-perkara lain. Kalau rasa belum bersedia untuk seksaan neraka, maka sediakanlah diri untuk kematian.

And then we move on kepada orang-orang yang melantik diri menjadi juri tidak bertauliah dalam kehidupan kita. To these people who likes to give judgments, why don't you take a mirror and reflect yourself first. Kalau pun anda lebih baik daripada orang tersebut, does looking down on people and making fun of people's effort makes you any better? After all, like what Nouman Ali Khan said, "Islam is not about "we're better than you." Islam is "about let me show you something that is better for you." Judgment yang anda lontarkan hari ini mungkin menjadi penyebab mereka tidak mahu berubah kepada yang lebih baik untuk diri mereka.

Basically, these "transforming" people are trying to blend in. Just because they're doing something new, doesn't mean they're already comfortable doing it. Maybe they fake a smile and just laugh everything off, but deep inside who knows. God knows how much they want to break off and get back to being in their old skin, tetapi atas dasar memperbaiki diri, they look over those restlessness. The least we could do is support them.

Last but not least, to all those people who has been given the opportunity by Allah s.w.t. to change, be thankful for it. Out of millions of people in this world, you have been chosen. While others are lingering in the dark, you've found the light at the end of the tunnel. Ramai lagi yang masih sesat, tetapi anda telah menemui jalan, wallahualam. :)

(At-Taubah:15)

Pizza+Skittles=Awesome People.

This is a very backdated post, this happened exactly a month ago, on the 21st of July. Yes, it's my birthday. Thank you very much for remembering. Wee! Things got a little out of hand thus the procrastination of this post. Please do accept my sincere apology.

Moving on, I finished class at 2pm, but a certain someone told me to stay. But you know these people, nak prank tapi tak expert, so they had contradicting answers. One said that Puan Nik needs help with some of the stuffs. Another one then called and said she needs to see me. Okay, agak terkantoi di situ. Ehehe.

Fast forward, I slept from 2 pm right up to 5 pm, that's when Kak Shaq called and said she has got some work to do in which I'll have to go to one of the class where she is there waiting. Okay then. When I went there, the lights were closed, the best part was I saw some of my friends behind the door. Terkantoi lagi di situ ye. Ohoho.

But anyways, they came up with these very adorable but very weird tasting pizza topped with skittles. This is basically due to the fact that I don't eat cake, so this was the only option they had. Thank you for remembering that I don't particularly adore cakes.

(Pizza topped with skittles to spell "Happy B'day" and the four pizzas.)

(Cubaan Kak Shaq untuk menyumbat pizza bertoppingkan skittles. Attempt of running away was present but she managed to do it anyway.=.=)

(Dan selepas seorang berjaya, yang lain turut serta berkongsi kegembiraan menyumbat pizza kepada saya. *perasaan diri sedang diperdajjal sangat nyata di sini. T.T*)

The thing that I still wonder of is the fact that during their birthdays, they fed me with the cake, and during my birthday, they took turn to feed me the pizza. So tell me when will I get to feed people? It's an unfair world we're living in! T.T

Nonetheless, thank you sayang-sayang sekalian for taking the time to celebrate my birthday. Thank you juga for the effort yang sangat obvious to keep me from going back. (I actually planned to go for a movie on that day. Haha!) You people mean the world to me. Words can't describe how thankful I am to have known all of you. :)

"Macam mana kau nak kencing kaki kencing?"
This question boggles me right up to this second. XD

1 Ramadhan 1432 Hijrah. :)

"O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous -"

(Al-Baqarah:183)

As we're entering the holy month of Ramadhan, who have wronged me, I have sincerely forgiven you, and to everyone whom I have wronged, please do accept my utmost sincere apology. May this Ramadhan be a blessed one, InsyaAllah. :)

p/s:It takes a big heart to apologize, but it takes a bigger heart to accept an apology. ♥

19 Candles Were Blown. :D

A week ago, today, I turned 19. Now, I know this is on a very delayed note, but hey, better late than never, right? So here's a little shout out to everyone who had made my day.

First off, thank you for the countless amounts of wishes on Facebook. Alhamdulillah, I managed to reply each and every one of it without copy-pasting like what I did last year. And trust me, I tried to answer it a little different from the other, but somehow most of it is best contained "thank you. :D" and only that. =.=

Second, thank you to everyone who texted me on my phone at midnight, up till the next day. Thanks a gazillion. And as for this one, I'm a hundred percent sure I replied each of it differently and I tried best as I could to reply it as soon as i read it.

Third, thank you to Nurul Husna for calling me at midnight and singing me the Birthday song through the phone! Now how many of your friends would do this? Honestly, I'm touched. And thank you sayang for the biscuits, it was tremendously wonderful (despite the fact that I'm allergic to nuts.Haha.) But somehow I ate a lot of it. Thank you buddy. :')

Fourth, thank you to my classmates who sang the Birthday song during Sociolinguistic class. I honestly did not expected that at all. Nonetheless, thank you dear classmates, second year in a row, yet you people have never let me down.

Fifth, thank you to those awesome people who did a surprise celebration for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Now this one I shall not speak much here as I'll elaborate on this in another post.

Sixth, thank you to those who wished me in person. Thank you for taking the time to stop and wish me. And to those bunch of Kak Shaq's friends who sang the birthday song in front of the hot dog table. <---(why am I mentioning the venue in detail?), thank you nonetheless. :D

Most importantly, thank you to my sister for being the first to wish me. (Although she actually cheated by wishing a day earlier. =.=), and to my cousin who was the second to wish me. And of course the whole family who celebrated my birthday in Malacca on the 23rd. I love all of you ever so dearly.

Last but not least, thank you to every one of you great souls who had wished me be it on Facebook, through the phone, and not to mention in person. I could mention each and every one of your names but that still won't be sufficient to portray my gratitude towards your kindness. Thank you for making my day. ♥

#1.Take Good Care of Your Heart.

Bayangkan kalau orang pinjam barang yang kita sayang, dan lepas sekian lama dia pinjam, dia pulangkan dalam keadaan yang teruk. Would you like that?

Hidup kita ini hanyalah pinjaman semata-mata. Sejauh mana kita rasa kita telah mencapai dan menguasai hidup kita, the truth is, kita tetap milik Allah. Kita hak milik mutlak Allah s.w.t. and there's no way we can ever change that fact. Sedar ataupun tidak, manusia diciptakan penuh kesempurnaan. Walaupun ada yang dicipta sebagai "kurang upaya" and all those other terms human created to describe these people, hakikatnya adalah we are born perfect. Kekurangan yang datang tu sebenarnya telah digantikan dengan kelebihan yang lain.

We're born with brain and heart. These are the things that makes us all different in so many ways. The heart I'm talking about is not that beating heart, tetapi saya merujuk pada hati. Yes, hati. Ada apa dengan hati? Dalam banyak-banyak parts of the body yang kita boleh rosakkan, this one is the one I've found to be the most not taken care of. Memanglah, siapa yang sengaja nak biarkan hati dia sakit, tapi tanya balik the root question to ourself, why in the first place have I fallen into a heartbreak?

Jawapannya simple sebenarnya. Kita telah menyerahkan hati kita to those undeserving people. Kita rasa ada yang lebih berhak memiliki kita selain daripada pencipta kita sendiri. Thus the statements of "I'm taken by _______" or "Owned by _______" and etc. Bukanlah saya nak kata diri saya ni tidak melakukan perkara sebegini. (Frankly speaking, memang tak pernah pun! I am mine and it shall stay that way. Ahaha! ) Back to business, like I said, kita ni pinjaman, meaning that even our heart is just a lease to us, so kalau kita bagi orang pinjam barang kita, and orang yang meminjam pula memberikan barang kita kepada orang lain, how would you feel? To make it worse, the person they hand it to merosakkan pula barang kita tu. How's that?

Sama sahaja konsepnya sebenarnya dengan benda-benda lain. Kalau kita harap orang jaga barang kita dengan baik, why not kita start menjaga "barang" yang Allah bagi pinjam dekat kita dengan baik dulu? Mungkin dengan cara ini, Allah akan membalas perbuatan kita dengan meletakkan kita di antara orang yang benar-benar tahu menghargai dan melayan kita dengan cara yang betul.

(Al-Hadid:23)

"Allah hanya meminjamkan mereka pada kita seketika, hanya kita yang leka dan tidak tahu menjaga mereka dengan baik. Sebab itulah Allah mengambil mereka kembali. Kalau tak suka, pulangkan."

p/s: A rather Islamic post now, don't you think? Didn't intend it to be that way, but I reckon since it turned out to be one, it'd be a good reminder for you and myself as well. :)

A Stranger's Soul.

We're all just so preciously human.

This is what makes the heart beats faster at those thoughts. (This is what makes the cold shoulder felt.)

This is what makes the world spins. (This is what makes us all aliens inside of us.)

This is what makes the sky blue. (This is what shatters our dreams.)

This is what makes us dive the deep blue ocean. (This is what makes us drown in imaginations.)

I walk the pier to what seemed the longest walk taken, between you, the ocean and the sun, we can make something sink just to breathe the air. It's just water.

Defying the ironic thoughts of how little things could contradict each other in a much less understood way would be a thoroughly vain yet harmless attempt.

This is what makes the distance between us.

(Please be human to me.)

Day #3 : Your Idea of the Perfect First Date.

My first rule to having a perfect date is to NOT have any awkward feeling with each other. By the time you're reading this post, you should have figured out that I've a degree in awkwardness. Yes, I do. (And yes, I made up the part of having a degree in such field as it doesn't actually exist. -___-)

Number two, the easiest way of actually spending time with someone you barely know or you have just got to know in person is basically by going out with a bunch of friends. Going on a double date would fit nicely. But the bad side of going on a double date is if you have a friend that would shun on you, or make fun of you and your partner, now that would be honestly irritating.

Third point! The first date is also a time to start being comfortable with each other, NOT the time to get intimate with each other. Get it? So going to enjoyable places like the movies, theme parks and whatever else is enough as to satisfy the venue. Going to closed places where the two of you would actually get tempted to touch each other is a huge NO! Kissing on a first date would add to a double no.

In a nutshell<---(now this sounds so much like my debate text), my idea of the perfect first date is basically being able to feel that you're in a safe zone while spending time with your partner. Come on, what's the point of being with someone if you're there just to get judged? If they're gonna take you for a long-term relationship, make sure they've seen you at your worst. :)

Day #2 : Your Favorite Movie.

I have always been into cartoons and such, but I have to say my all-time favorite is NOT a cartoon, it would be Miracle In Lane 2, a Disney Movie starred by Frankie Muniz. This was the time when Disney made real good movies, not just for-kids-to-watch movies. Know what I mean? *winks* I'm not gonna elaborate on what the movie is all about and etc. Rather, I'll post a link for that purpose down here.

*Click here for the full synopsis, review, cast interviews and all the whatnots.*

The main reason why I love this movie is because it's based on a true-story, which means the storyline and the ending is logical, the dreams it captures are graspable. Another thing is that, did you notice how cute Mr. Muniz is in the movie? *drools* :D

Day #1 : Your Favorite Song.

I have been listening to music all my life, thus choosing one in particular to be a favorite tune of mine would be utterly ridiculous. But here's a few of my all-time favorites.

#1.Words by Bee Gees.

Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me
Don't ever let me find you down, cause that would bring a tear to me
This world has lost it's glory, let's start a brand new story now, my love
Right now, there'll be no other time and I can show you how, my love.

Talk in everlasting words, and dedicate them all to me
And I will give you all my life, I'm here if you should call to me
You think that I don't even mean a single word I say
It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away.

#2.Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

#3.Akrab Persahabatan by In-Team.

Buang yang keruh ambil yang jernih
Dendam hasad dengki mestilah dijauhi
Ukhuwah dan mahabbah kita jalinkan
Bina keharmonian

Sesegar hijau daunan
Begitulah kita diibaratkan
Tiada siapa yang bisa memisahkan kita
Antara kita semua

#4.Hold On by The Jonas Brothers.

When you love someone
And they break your heart
don’t give up on love
Have faith, restart
Just hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

When it falls apart
And you're feeling lost
All your hope is gone
don’t forget to hold on, hold on

#5.Go by Boys Like Girls.

Get up and go, take a chance and be strong
Or you could spend your whole life holding on
Don't look back, just go, take a breath, move along
Or you could spend your whole life holding on
You could spend your whole life holding on

Believe the tunnel can end, believe your body can mend
Yeah, I know you can make it through 'cause I believe in you
So let's go put up a fight, let's go make everything alright
Go on and take a shot, go give it all you got

There you go, 5 of my favorites. I know the title says favorite song which particularly means singular, but I can pick none of my numero uno favorite thus the picking of my Top 5. And yes, I do listen to the lyrics, not the songs. :)

Do more of what makes you happy.

Current time:3.27 am.
Now playing:Fuckin' Perfect by Travis Garland.

(my pride and joy :D)

I seriously have no freaking idea on what to blog on anymore. Like seriously. This blog had always been the place for me to rant and shout inaudibly, but since I now have a place to run to, I no longer will be using this site as a medium for me to express my anger anymore, or at least not as much as I did before.

Anyways, I just bought a book by Katie Piper titled Beautiful. Believe it or not, the last book I bought was Boy, by Roald Dahl during my second semester (that was way early this year)and that was only because it was compulsory. It feels awesomely good to finally be buying a real book and not a comic book. I can't even remember the last time I bought a book just for the sake of it, I'm that pathetic. -.-

As I'm approaching my 3rd semester, I think I'm gonna kick it off with a new resolution; to read more BOOKS. Which basically means less Archie's for me. *sigh*

p/s:It's freaking 3.40 in the morning and I'm not even close to sleeping. I think I'm gonna have to go through tomorrow without the slightest bit of snooze tonight. Farewell, earthlings. ;)

A dream dreamt.

Writing stuffs on here is like opening your diary to the world. But seriously, screw that. If you're gonna waste your time reading this, you might as well save your time by keeping shut. Get it? *why am I mad all of a sudden? -.-* Moving on.

Tomorrow's the 19th of June, that marks the third Sunday of the month, so if you haven't figured it out yet, it's Father's Day tomorrow. I have a dad, yes, I do. But sometimes the world kept me wondering if I really have one. The superficial idea of having a dad like Nick Parker in The Parent Trap had me gazing pointlessly.

He used to be the one to carry me on his shoulders to the night market, he used to be the one encouraging me to play music, he used to be the one to introduce us to good songs, he used to be the one showing us how to behave in a corporate meeting.(yes,I used to follow him for his meetings) We used to sing Words together, now that I know how to play that song on piano, he's not around to have a listen to it.

We have gone too far astray for me to even think of going back to where we started. You used to carry me, but now I can't even recall the last time you had me in your arms. Maybe after all these years, I have outgrown my love for you. I have outgrown wanting you to be here during our prize giving ceremony, I have outgrown wishing you'd be our Nick Parker.

Maybe he made a mistake. Who am I kidding? I did too, we all have done something we wish we hadn't. But to realize that what we're doing is a mistake takes time and karma, a lot of it. And when he does realize it, I hope it's not too late.

Happy Father's Day, Mr. Noor Azman. ♥

p/s:I'm not gonna lie, I miss having my dad around. We've had some good times, you've always been in my heart, in our hearts. I'm sorry we never were in yours. Though actions may speak contradictorily, the heart whispers consoling the truth. I love you, Abah.

South Jersey Punk.

I really don't think it's a life necessity to have a person of the opposing sex to be around all the time. What difference does it make anyway? They're human just like us. The fact that woman like to talk to man and vice versa is because of the fact that when you do talk in this manner, the listener will always let you win, and that's exactly what you want.

So let it stay that way, you want to win so much? Go on. Just remember that while you're being all cocky and perfect in your eyes, I'm out of that. I don't want to live in a world where winning people's heart takes first place.

Happiness, it's in you.

For the past few days, I have been in a situation a lot of you like to call "writer's block". But contradicting to the idea, I think that the term is only invented to cover-up a thing called laziness and outrageous procrastination. You see, I tend to know what to write on but I seem to lost it along the way of writing it, and so to curb that from happening during the writing of this post, I shall let the pictures talk for themselves. ;)

Past few days have been a little shaky. Please don't ask why because I figure a lot of people wouldn't really catch it. But what do you do when people give you crap? No you don't cry over it, you paint it gold and throw it back to the person. Haha. <---pointless blabber.

(Went to Viva where Kak Dila joined us. And here's the part where they lied on a bed worth 17,888 MYR. Yes, it's a five-figured price.)

(And then we had to send Kak Dila to the college as she had class at 3 pm, and we head on to Cantrecallname Saloon. <---pardon the name please, I just can't seem to recall it. Sorry.)

(While Kak Shaq was having her hair done, here's Kak Akey doing, err, not really doing anything. She was snoozing. Okay okay, the sofa was a little too comfortable. Haha.)

(Later on we head on to Tutti Frutti. Look at the meal we had and yes, of course you can start being jealous now. :P)

(Who else would I be going out with if it isn't these two? ;D)

(Lastly but not leastly, pictures together. Okay, I admit it ain't a proper picture of the three of us together, but hey, it ain't that bad eh? XD)

And that was how my day went. Wasn't anything out of the norm but it was a blast spending time with them, telling stories and a lot of heart-to-heart session. Haha. Lots have been said. ;)

Some people find happiness in the opposite sex, some try hard to grasp happiness in things they can't achieve, some find happiness in the presence of others. I find happiness in me. Trust me, it's in yourself. Find it and share it with people who deserves to have it. :)

Photographs, not paintings. :)

Thanks to the waters, rainy season and tutti frutti, now i'm having a bad cold. Not that I'm complaining on the weather but the combination of these three are just, let's just say, err, not so cool? Okay done.

Anyways, speaking of Tutti Frutti, the other day, out of unsatisfied cravings, and of course for no reason (told you I like doing things just because), I went there with Mr. Akey. No, Kak Akey (okay pelik suddenly keluar bahase melayu,tulis "kak" all of a sudden.eish,lantak lah.proceed!).

Alright, honestly? I don't know why I'm writing this, and I don't know where this post is going. Happy now? Moving on. Ever heard the saying that everyone has 7 twins in this world? I don't know how true it is, but I'm gonna write up on one. If you're from my college, you would've seen these two faces.

(please please please just ignore the guy in the middle, I just can't find any way to crop him off the picture.tee hee.)

Kak Shaq and Kak Akey!

*I swear I have forgotten everything I was about to write*

Yes, I tell them a lot. A lot of times I don't even know why I'm telling them, or why all of a sudden a topic pops up and I just flutter it off, but I just feel like doing so and so I did.

Kak Shaq is the person I come running to every time I feel the need to cry (don't get me wrong, no I don't cry a lot, or do I?). And the main reason that I talk to her when I feel like shedding tears is because I know I'm not gonna cry in front of her. Makes sense? I used to be afraid of her <---true story. Not she's-gonna-eat-me type of scared, but you know, she's-my-senior type of scared. Get it? No? Forget it. Why do I come to her? Reason is simple, because since camp she has been the only one I ever talked to. Not just your everyday talk, but those kind of talks. Things I don't tell anyone because I'm scared, I'll tell her. Just because I know she's gonna listen. I'm not really sure if she actually decodes what I said, but nah, sometimes you just need a listening ear, and that, she can give. Good enough, aite? ;)

On another note, Kak Akey is the one I keep dragging everywhere. Be it sending a stranger home to satisfying my cravings, she's the one who's gonna be the victim. Something I realized is that if she couldn't hear what you're saying, she'll just laugh. One time I was asking a question and all she did was laugh in response (nampak sgt tak dgr. -.-''). But if you really talk, she's gonna really listen. Because sharing stories with her made me feel better. :)

With that said, I guess this is the end of it. Enough of pointless babbling for tonight. It's 4.54 am btw, so please do pardon all the mistakes if you should see any. Maybe I'll write up a proper post on them when I really have a reason to do so. Until then, have a great day.

p/s:Thank you dear facilitators for being there when a lot others are turning their backs. You people hold a special place right here ---> ♥.

Time to grow some wings.

You know sometimes life become a little too unpredictable that you feel you're at the bottom of the food chain? Yes, it happens. And sometimes even the happiest person on earth could be thrown back by this mishap. And sometimes maybe when you say you need time, you don't really need a few minutes, you need days and weeks to figure things out.

When you walk away and there's no one who came chasing, that's when you'll learn to set your mind straight and walk without looking back. Because realizing that no one cares is worse than not being cared. It's that hard feeling you're never taught to tell.

A lot of times you'll realize it's the space that you need. Not time, space. To hear your brain thinking and to listen to your heart consoling your soul. You'll need it eventually.

Yes, I've found my weak point and I'm trying hard not to exhibit it to the world. :/